Stop “Locking It Up”: The Leadership Habit Burning Out Women in Tech

You can be the most competent person in the room and still be running a leadership strategy that quietly destroys you.

I see it again and again with high-performing women in tech: they walk into meetings with a calm face, a perfect update, and a nervous system that is absolutely not okay. They call it professionalism. Their teams call it “something feels off.” And their bodies call it depletion.

In this episode of From a Woman to a Leader, I spoke with Megan Warren, founder and coach at Extraordinary Lives, about regenerative leadership and why the old model of “leave your personal life at the door” is breaking down.

The moment that hit hardest

Megan shared a story many women will recognize. She received major news about her son’s diagnosis. Her world was rocked. Then she walked into a 9:30 meeting and led it like nothing happened. Nobody knew. After the meeting, she went to the bathroom and cried.

That’s not a character flaw. That’s conditioning.

What regenerative leadership changes

Regenerative leadership is not about oversharing at work. It’s about reducing the hidden tension that blocks trust and performance.

Here are the key lessons:

1) Your “mask” isn’t neutral

When you hide what’s real, you think you’re protecting the room. But people still feel the tension. They just don’t know what it means, so they spend energy guessing instead of creating.

2) Vulnerability is a behavior, not a collapse

The practical version is simple: name reality just enough to lower tension and set expectations. You can ask for support, adjust the meeting flow, or invite more input when you’re not resourced.

3) Presence beats skill when stakes are high

Your expertise matters. But without presence, your leadership impact drops. When urgency is loud, leaders either get pulled by it or push it away. Presence is what lets you respond instead.

4) Prioritization conflict needs a different container

When leaders fight for limited resources, the room turns reactive. Regenerative leadership shifts the process: slow the energy, get curious, see the system, then make the call.

5) Start small, build on what works

You do not need to blow up your organization or reinvent yourself as a leader.

This is where many women get stuck. They hear a new leadership idea and think it requires a full transformation, a personality change, or a dramatic declaration. It doesn’t.

Regenerative leadership builds on what already works.

Keep the processes that are effective. Keep the structures that support clarity and accountability. Then get curious about the moments that drain energy instead of creating it.

Start with small shifts:

Opening a meeting with a brief check-in when tension is high
Naming that you are not fully resourced and adjusting how the meeting runs
Slowing urgency instead of letting it dictate decisions
Asking for input instead of carrying the pressure alone

These are not “soft” moves. They are practical capacity-building behaviors. Over time, they compound.

And what you get back is resilience. Better decisions. More trust. Less internal strain.

Why this matters now

The old model of leadership assumed you could separate who you are from how you lead. That model worked until it didn’t.

Today’s challenges are more complex. Teams are more sensitive to undercurrents. Burnout is no longer an individual problem. It’s a leadership signal.

When leaders pretend nothing is happening, teams feel it anyway. When leaders name reality just enough to lower tension, teams can think, create, and move forward together.

That is the shift regenerative leadership offers.

Not perfection.

Not endless vulnerability.

But presence, accountability, and humanity in real time.

About Megan Warren

Megan Warren is a leadership coach and systems practitioner who helps high-achieving leaders shift from “business as usual” to a more regenerative, sustainable way of leading. Her work focuses on self-leadership, nervous system regulation, and building cultures where trust and real performance can actually grow. She supports individuals and organizations to solve complex problems without burning out in the process.

Connect with Megan:

Website: ⁠https://meganwarrencoaching.com/⁠
LinkedIn: ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/megan-warren-coach/

Ready to listen?

If you’re a high-performing woman in tech who has learned to “lock it up” and keep going, this episode will feel uncomfortably familiar and deeply useful.

Listen on the podcast: https://limorbergman.com/podcast/