In today’s fast-paced work environment, influence is one of the most powerful skills you can develop. Whether you’re managing your workload, negotiating a promotion, or building relationships with senior leaders, mastering influence can significantly impact your career growth.
In this episode of From a Woman to a Leader, I had the pleasure of speaking with B. Kim Barnes, an influence and leadership expert, to uncover practical strategies for women in tech. Kim shared valuable insights on how women can harness their natural ability to influence, strike a balance between assertiveness and collaboration, and master negotiation tactics that lead to mutual success.
Let’s dive into the key takeaways from our conversation.
1. Influence Is a Two-Way Street
Kim emphasizes that true influence is collaborative. It’s not about asserting power but about helping others achieve their goals while expressing your own needs clearly.
“I influence you, you influence me. I look for ways to help you get what you want, and I expect you to do the same.”
For women who often fear being labeled as “aggressive,” Kim suggests adopting a mindset of mutual benefit. When both parties see influence as a partnership, it feels natural and less confrontational.
2. Reclaim Your Natural Influence
Kim shared an interesting observation about young girls: they are naturally skilled at influencing others but often lose that ability over time due to societal expectations.
Women are taught to be “nice” and “polite,” which can hinder their ability to assert themselves in professional environments. However, the skills are still there—you just need to sharpen them and practice.
3. Negotiation Tip: Expand the Pie
Many people approach negotiation as a win-or-lose battle. Kim advocates for a more sophisticated strategy: expand the pie before dividing it.
Instead of focusing solely on splitting resources, ask:
🔹 “How can we create more value?”
🔹 “How can you help me achieve my goal, and how can I help you?”
Negotiation becomes a problem-solving process rather than a confrontation.
4. Be Clear, Direct, and Collaborative with Senior Leaders
When influencing senior leaders, time is limited. Kim advises:
🔹 Be concise about your request.
🔹 Explain why it’s important to both you and the organization.
🔹 Use receptive communication by asking, “What do you need from me to make this work?”
This approach builds trust and ensures both sides feel heard.
5. The Power of Practice and Feedback
Kim stresses that influence is a learned skill. You need to practice it in real situations, get feedback, and refine your approach over time.
In her programs, participants work on real-life scenarios, gaining experience and improving their techniques through trial and error. This experiential learning approach leads to stronger, more confident influencers.
About B. Kim Barnes
B. Kim Barnes is the CEO of Barnes & Conti Associates, a global leadership and organizational development firm. With decades of experience, Kim has developed programs on influence, risk-taking, innovation, and internal consulting. She is also the author of several books, including:
•Exercising Influence: Making Things Happen at Work, at Home, and in Your Community (Wiley) Order it here
•Building Better Ideas: How Constructive Debate Inspires Courage, Collaboration, and Breakthrough Solutions Order it here
Connect with Kim:
👉 Visit her company: https://www.barnesconti.com/
👉 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bkimbarnes/
About Limor Bergman Gross
I’m Limor Bergman Gross, a former Director of Engineering with over 20 years of experience in the tech industry. Today, I’m passionate about mentoring and coaching women in tech, helping them break through barriers and advance their careers.
Through my podcast, From a Woman to a Leader, I share conversations with inspiring women who provide actionable strategies to help you thrive in tech leadership roles.
🎧 Listen to the full episode: limorbergman.com/podcast
🔗 Connect with me:
- Website: limorbergman.com
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/limorbergman/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/limorbergman
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LimorBergman
- Newsletter: limorbergman.com/newsletter
Final Thoughts
Influence is an essential skill that can unlock new opportunities in your career. By mastering collaboration, negotiation, and communication, you can take charge of your career progression and relationships.
If you enjoyed this blog post, please share it with your network!
And don’t forget to subscribe to my podcast for more empowering conversations with women leaders.
