You walk into a room where you don’t know anyone. You find a spot near the wall, check your phone, and wait for someone to come talk to you. Usually, no one does.
If that’s you, the standard advice to “just put yourself out there” isn’t helpful. It’s pressure. So I sat down with Tzufit Herling, who builds communities for a living, has advised founders and organizations around the world, and happens to be a deep introvert. Three years ago she moved to Portugal knowing no one and not speaking the language, and she built her entire professional life there on purpose. Here’s how she did it, and how you can, whether you’re starting a business, changing jobs, or trying to be more visible in a company where you already work.
1. Can you really network if you’re an introvert?
Yes, and introverts often do it better, because they do it intentionally. Tzufit is proof. She told me she used to be so introverted she didn’t know what to do with herself in a room full of people.
“A lot of people think that I’m actually an extrovert, but I’m very introverted. I used to be really, really introverted… I always say that if I can do that, anyone else can do that.”
Tzufit revealing she’s an introvert
Here’s what I see again and again with the women I coach: they quietly decide they’re “just not networkers,” and then they wait for visibility to happen to them. It never does. But the answer isn’t to become louder. It’s to become deliberate, which is a strength introverts already have.
How to apply this: Stop framing networking as personality. Frame it as a skill you build on purpose. Write down one connection you want to make this month. That’s your starting point, not “be more outgoing.”
2. How do you build a network when you don’t know anyone?
Start with why, then go where those people are. When Tzufit moved to Portugal, she didn’t wait for connections to appear. She looked for meetups and asked people directly where she should go.
“First I want to understand, okay, why am I doing that? What is my goal? Who do I want to meet? And then understand, okay, where are these people gonna be?”
She combined three moves: asking people she already knew (even as a long shot), posting on LinkedIn and social media, and asking AI tools to recommend relevant communities. None of it required being charismatic. It required being clear.
How to apply this: Before you attend anything, answer two questions. Who do I want to meet, and where are they most likely to gather? Then pick one place and go.
3. What’s the first thing you should do in a new community?
Observe before you perform. Tzufit’s first move in any new room is to watch and understand, not to pitch herself.
“It’s always good to come and observe what people are doing, what people are looking for.”
Tzufit on observing first
This is the permission slip introverts need. You don’t have to arrive impressive. You arrive interested. And when you finally speak, you’ll have something relevant to say because you actually listened first.
How to apply this: For your first two weeks in any community, give yourself one job: notice what people are asking for and what they care about. No pressure to contribute yet. Just pay attention.
4. How do you build connections without self-promotion?
Give value before you expect anything back. For women who cringe at self-promotion, this is the whole way in. Tzufit is clear that a community is a place to contribute, not to extract.
“We need to invest in the people before we are expecting to receive anything from them.”
She compares it to dating several people at once. You explore each relationship for a few months before you know if it’s a real fit. You show up, you answer a question, you share what you know even when it feels obvious. Slowly, it comes back.
How to apply this: This week, answer one question in one community from your own experience. Don’t attach an ask. Just help. That single act builds more connection than any pitch.
5. How do you choose which communities are worth your time?
Match your engagement to your capacity, and pick based on the season you’re in. The real obstacle for most women isn’t fear, it’s overwhelm. Tzufit’s answer is honesty about your time.
“In one community, I can decide, okay, this community, I’m just an observer… but in another community, I can actually be the one that organizes the events.”
You don’t owe every group the same version of you. Choose one or two that matter most right now, block real time for them the way you’d block a client meeting, and keep the rest light. Communities change, and so do you, so reassess every few months.
How to apply this: List the communities you’re technically part of. Circle the one or two that matter for your current goal. Put a recurring 30-minute block in your calendar for them, and let the others be background.
6. Why do women’s communities matter so much?
Because they’re a safe space to be seen without the extra weight women carry in mixed rooms. Tzufit and I both belong to women-only communities and channels, and we agreed there’s something they offer that can’t be replaced.
“Especially women, we have all the time this imposter syndrome. And that’s why I like to work a lot with women.”
She still remembers being invited to a meetup where everyone was male, standing there circling the room alone until someone finally spoke to her. Eleven years later she has strategies for that exact moment, including bringing a friend or asking the host for an introduction. But the deeper point stands: women’s spaces let you show up with less armor.
How to apply this: Find one women-focused community in your field. If a room feels intimidating, bring a colleague, or message the host beforehand and ask them to introduce you to one or two people.
The bottom line
The women I work with don’t fail at networking because they’re shy. They stay stuck because they’re waiting to be introduced, waiting to be noticed, waiting for an invitation that isn’t coming. Tzufit’s whole story is an argument against waiting. You can start smaller than moving to a new country. You can start with one community and one honest sentence about what you’re looking for. The point is that you start.
🎧 Listen to the full conversation with Tzufit Herling: https://limorbergman.com/podcast/
📝 Go deeper on Substack, where I share what building a network really looked like for me as an introvert: https://limorbergman.substack.com
🤝 And if you know you need to be more visible but don’t want to become someone you’re not, you don’t have to figure it out alone. I work with women in tech leadership on exactly this. Book a promotion strategy call: https://limorbergman.com/coaching/
About Tzufit Herling
Tzufit Herling drives organizational transformation through communities. With over a decade of experience as a consultant and strategist, she has worked with organizations, entrepreneurs, and businesses across the globe, both online and offline. She is the creator and owner of Connecteur, a certified Meta Community Management company, where she provides consultation for community development, designs comprehensive programs, and offers specialized training, with a particular focus on startup and innovation ecosystems. She builds connections and partnerships across new ecosystems, bridging founders, investors, and organizations across regions, and she facilitates interactive workshops that help people navigate complexity, strengthen their networks, and develop practical solutions through collaborative learning.
Tzufit is a Facebook Certified Community Manager, an alumna of the advanced facilitation program by IAF (International Academy for Leadership), and holds a B.A. in sociology and humanities along with a journalism diploma from Tel Aviv University.
Website: http://www.connecteur.co/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tzufitherling/
Watch on YouTube:
FAQ
Can you be good at networking if you’re an introvert? Yes. Introverts often network more effectively because they do it intentionally rather than constantly. The key is being clear about who you want to meet and giving value first, not forcing yourself to be outgoing.
How do you build a network when you move somewhere new and know no one? Start by identifying who you want to meet and where they gather, then attend meetups and ask people directly for recommendations. Tzufit Herling built her entire network in Portugal this way, starting from zero connections.
What should you do first when you join a new community? Observe. Spend your first couple of weeks noticing what people are asking for and what they care about before you try to contribute. This lowers the pressure and makes your first contribution more relevant.
How do you network without feeling salesy or self-promotional? Give value before you ask for anything. Answer questions, share what you know, and help others from your own experience. Connection built on contribution feels natural, unlike self-promotion.
How do you decide which communities are worth your time? Pick one or two that matter most for your current goal, block real time for them, and keep the rest light. You don’t owe every community the same level of engagement, and your priorities will shift over time.
Why are women-only communities valuable? They offer a safer space to be visible without the added pressure and imposter syndrome many women feel in male-dominant rooms. They let you show up with less armor and build genuine support.
How do you handle walking into a room where everyone is male? Bring a friend or colleague, or ask the event host to introduce you to one or two people in advance. Having one point of connection makes the room far less intimidating.
How do you network when you work from home and rarely meet people? Online and hybrid communities let you build genuine connections across time zones without leaving your desk. Block time to actively participate, and treat it as seriously as an in-person event.